I hate hospitals

I spent 6 hours at the hospital the other day. C had a panic attack. He was breathing heavy and was having chest pains. I took him home and his mom asked if he wanted to go to the hospital; he said yes. He told her it was probably anxiety/depression, and also told her about how he has suicidal thoughts in the back of his mind. I went with them to the hospital. Hospitals SUCK! We were in the waiting room for four and a half hours!! When we got to a room, we waited for another hour. He got to speak to a doctor for only 30 minutes. I had to hold back tears for 6 hours. The doctor and a councelor diagnosed him with depression...duh. It was extremely hard to listen to him talk about what all makes him feel like shit. It hurt to know I couldn't fix this problem. I got home that night at 4 AM.

When I got home, my dad was getting ready to go to work. I told him about the night and just burst into tears. Last time I cried that hard I was probably 1 year old. It freaked my dad out and my mother. My father woke my mom up to talk to me since he had to leave for work, and I just cried more to her. I cried to my sister the next morning.

The thing is, I have had a friend commit suicide before. However, that friend was no where near as close as C is. C is my best friend. A year after that friend died, I almost followed his foot steps. If something were to happen to C, I know I wouldn't last long.

Then yesterday I was with C at IHOP, like always, and he says his mother has given him a one o' clock curfew. That pissed him off because, quote,"She is being overly emotional. Just because of one incident, she suddenly cares what time I am home." I wanted to slap him. He thinks she is being overly emotional for worrying that her son might die. I don't understand that thought progression. I wanted to scream at him, "So since I cried for an hour last night because I was scared I might loose you, does that make me OVERLY emotional too!?" It just bothers me that he feels so lonely, yet when someone as close to him as his mother shows some worry, he calls her 'overly emotional.' I don't think he sees how terrified he has us.

His mother even came to Sears to talk to me about how to help him. I could just see the fear in her eyes. M, her girlfriend, was worried as well and wanted to kick MJ's ass for causing so much trouble in C's life. I had a hard time not crying once more while talking to them.

I just don't know what to do. I love him so much, but I don't feel like that's enough.