Questions

I am sitting with my sister in my room yesterday while she is making flowers for her wedding. I begin to do henna (indian semi-permanent ink) on my wrist. I decided to do the female sign, you know the circle with a cross coming out of it. My sister says, "People are really going to start questioning(in reference to sexuality) you with you being so feminist."

I tell her that that doesn't bother me because people have been questioning me for about a year and a half now.

Then she asks,"So are you gay or straight?"

I go,"Umm, I don't know." She pries for a bit, then finally, I tell her, "I don't know whether I prefer girls or boys or want both. I am sorry if you are disappointed, but I am trying to figure it out, that is why I haven't been too enthusiastic about dating boys lately. I don't think it is fair to be with someone when you don't know what you want."

She tells me that she just hopes I end up with a boy.

What I am really sick of is people telling me what my sexuality is. I have my sister telling me I like dick. I have a friend Ric telling me I am a total les. And I have my friend C saying that he could see me go either way. Why do people have to constantly probe me with labels expecting me to just pick one in a second without even thinking about it? I wasn't even sexually confused until last May or so. I actually felt I had finally figured myself out as a person, was of an adult mind, had grown...but then everyone made me look even deeper within and now I don't have a fucking clue!! C coming out, me getting a horrid crush on a chick M, and everyone asking me questions is just too much and not what I had expected my 17th year of life to be like. I want to go to college so I can experiment with people and have them not expect a relationship, like in this stupid town. I want people to cut out the questioning, so I can find the answers to my own questions.